Active Listening

Do you know the difference between knowing how to listen and just hearing? If we go by the definitions of these two words, you will see that listening means «paying attention to what is being heard,» while hearing is «perceiving sounds with the ear.» So, when we are talking with other people or colleagues, do we want them to listen to us or just hear us? The answer seems clear: we want to be listened to. But for us to achieve that, we must first learn how to listen.

Active listening is not a simple skill. Hearing is simpler and much easier because it is an involuntary skill that we all possess, we do not have to make any conscious effort. On the other hand, knowing how to listen requires an active process on our part. It implies that we receive information and process it to understand it, so we can act on it. Modern and effective leaders, those who really want to make an impact on people and organizations, have developed the art of effectively or actively listening.

Active listening has become one of the most important skills in communication processes, as it contributes to establishing relationships based on trust and honesty, and, above all, is considered the basis of empathy. Here are five recommendations to start developing your active listening skills:

Be present. Minimize distractions as much as possible. If someone wants to talk with you, it is important that you dedicate the time they need. If you are in the middle of an activity and cannot interrupt it, it is better to ask that person to come back in a few minutes or go to them later. What we should avoid is doing two or three things at the same time because that is a clear sign that we are not interested in what we are listening. And when you go to talk to someone, create the same scenario: the person you are talking to should be without distractions, present in that space both physically and mentally. Sometimes it is useful to have a notebook to write down questions you have or key messages you receive.
Ask questions. Active listening means understanding the other person, not assuming situations or positions that will only limit your ability to do so. That is why it is very important to ask genuine questions that allow you to understand the reasons and context from which your interlocutor is speaking. In my conversations with colleagues, I often ask several questions that help me better identify the causes of a conflict or problem, or to contextualize my advice or suggestion when it is requested. At other times, when someone just needs to be listened to and is looking for someone they trust, I usually ask towards the end if there is anything I can do to help or if talking to me helped in any way.
Avoid interrupting. Sometimes we assume that when someone wants to talk with us, it is either because there is a problem – and therefore we assume a defensive position – or because they want advice – and then we adopt the “I-know-it-all” attitude. When you have clarity about the nature of the conversation, you must adjust your posture and mindset so that you can really listen. Avoid interrupting your interlocutor, especially in difficult conversations, when you feel the urge to react immediately to clarify or comment. Take pauses and wait for the right moment to intervene. This is not easy; it requires practice, a lot of self-awareness and adequate management of our emotional intelligence. Instead of reacting impulsively, have a pen and paper on hand and write down what you hear and what you want to say to organize your thoughts. Take your time and breathe. Breathing helps a lot in difficult conversations.
Seek feedback. Repeating some phrases that your conversation partner says helps guide the conversation and validate that you are indeed understanding the nature and purpose of the conversation. Phrases like «If I understand correctly…» or «What I seem to have heard is…» are some feedback phrases I use in my conversations. Other times you can rephrase what you listen by using your own words to see if you have interpreted the message or emotions correctly. Towards the end of the conversation, it is important to reaffirm your appreciation for your interlocutor’s time in the conversation, regardless of who initiated or requested it.
Pay attention to body language, both of your interlocutor and yourself. You must be attentive to gestures, body posture, so you can understand if the person in front of you is comfortable or not, if they feel vulnerable or defensive. But it is equally important to be aware of our own body language. Avoid crossing your arms and keep them in a relaxed position. Maintain eye contact, lean slightly toward the person to signal that at that moment what they are saying is the most important.

I don’t want to end this blog without emphasizing how important active listening is in our personal and professional worlds. Unfortunately, we are taught a lot about how to master public speaking and develop impactful messages for our interlocutors, but very little is taught about how to listen actively and intentionally. Listening with purpose. From now on, I hope you pay more attention to this important skill. Trust me, it will help you go further!